you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
