How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
