I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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