I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
