That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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