like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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