Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
