Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...

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(701): View more from North Dakota

It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.

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(703): View more from Virginia

screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.

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(212): View more from New York

Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?

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(+04): View more from

She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.

Fav 7 2297 924
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(512): View more from Texas

Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.

Fav 4 1632 1191
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana

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