guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
