living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
