Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
