Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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