as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
