Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
