i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
