he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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