She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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