what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
