Whoa Z and x make the same sound
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize