The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
