If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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