Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
