I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
