there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
