yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
