I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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