I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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