Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
