hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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