There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
