I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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