i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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