Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
