I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
