i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
