Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
