a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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