to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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