just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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