So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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