It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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