I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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