he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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