when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
