when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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