Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
