He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
