he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
