Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
