Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
