Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
