I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
