i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
