4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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