1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're too hungover to prance.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
