i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Green mimosas i think yes
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
