sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
